The Recovering Hero Proclamation
In memory of my beloved friend and sacred sister Gina Dawn Gavaris who left this Earthly realm on Friday November 13, 2009 at the age of 39.
On July 29, 2003 during the Leo New Moon Gina wrote the following Proclamation and journal entry. When she shared this with me later that year I felt it was a great piece to be added to my own growing awareness around our cultural doing addiction so I asked her if I could share it with my Celestial Timings subscribers and she agreed. This proclamation and journal entry appeared in the January 2004 Celestial Timings and is presented again in honor of her life and her personal journey. It is a great reminder of our cultural addiction to the Hero archetype and the tremendous pressure it places on us to be superhuman, even when we are conscious of the trap as Gina describes below. Gina continued to find this issue challenging as have I and many others I know.
The Recovering Hero Proclamation
I have no need to save others.
I have no need to rescue others.
I have no need to outshine anyone.
I have no need to out-think, out-perform,
out-produce anyone – including myself.
I do not need to know anything.
I do not need to be an expert.
I do not need to fix anyone, or any change anything.
I do not need to dazzle, impress, or inspire anyone.
I do not need to be the hero of my own story.
In truth, I am organic, evolving, and fallible.
I allow things to unfold naturally, and I trust the flow.
I joyfully accept and experience my humanity.
I need nothing.
All already is.
Blessed be.
Consistently, over time, I was held up as “the Expert” and “the Brilliant One,” the one who all could count on to succeed, come through, dazzle, impress, inspire, motivate. Also, over time, the ability to see me as Human – an evolving, growing, changing being who has good days and bad days, who is unsure and unreliable at times, who gets angry and who doesn’t know the answer – became less and less. Anything less than magnificent accomplishments or an inspiring, animated personal charm disappointed others. Without my dazzling Brilliance, others wouldn’t take so keen an interest in me. They seemed to enjoy the lightness they would feel, as if somehow they could feel good about themselves by aligning through me and my work. Pretty soon, my need to be brilliant matched the expectation that I was so. I internalized the unhealthy need to be unchangingly brilliant when mingling with others, and I internalized the neglect of my own humanity. My life became a dichotomous split between brilliantly charming in public, and self-hating in private. I felt steady pressure to match my former performances, and had no idea how to embrace my own humanity or ask others to do so.
I found such a life to foster alienation, a feeling of continual failure, exhaustion, emptiness, and self-loathing. Sometimes, when shining in public, I found such a life to foster admiration, respect, pride, mythological proportions, power. I felt disembodied from myself. Sometimes enjoying that I was sought after and “important,” and sometimes, I would reflect on my “Herculean efforts” and wonder what was I doing this all for? The dilemma seemed only to be inside myself, for all the while, as long as I was making others feel comfortable by accepting the projection of their hopes and dreams and possibilities, my real needs were ignored. I couldn’t even see them.
The Special, Brilliant person held up larger than Life has a similar energetic experience as the Wounded Victim trodden by Life. One receives the projections of light and hopefulness, the other receives the projections of dark and hopelessness and fear. Neither, however, allow for humanness – neither allow for flexibility or creativity or humility or the fluid combination of hope and fear that are intertwined. Neither allow for others to accept responsibility for their own projections, and face their desires to live large or face their hurting places.
In truth, being Special is the flip side of being Victim. I am neither Special nor Victim. I simply am Human – a changing evolving being who joins the billions of others on this planet in the lonely quest for meaning and purpose. Please do not ask me to carry your light or your dark. I have my own, and, what’s more, I choose to simply live. To allow my life to unfold – devoid of strategies and strivings. I allow myself to be Organic, and Evolving, and I discover me in each moment. I know I am one of many, and it is the whole that matters. I know that I am one of many, and my uniqueness is worthy of discovery and attention and care – along with yours. So, I have no need to be a hero. I have no need to carry others. I have no need for my part to be more brilliant or influential than others. So please do not ask me to hold your light, or your guilt, or your fear that somehow you are not brilliant enough yourself. I am simply me. I show up. And when I do, I am here also to simply witness you.
~Gina Dawn Gavaris 7/29/03 New Moon in Leo
